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April 22, 2009


Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 8:45 am

August usually spends Tuesday nights at E’s, since it’s one of the only nights they get without her son there. Today is Tuesday, so I was going to use having the house to myself as an opportunity to do some writing. I’ve got a handful of essays in the works about anti-racist activism, mental health, queerness, my family, body image, how I keep waking up with the Human League’s “Don’t You Want Me, Baby?” stuck in my head…

Only, I didn’t have the house to myself.

With August’s previous girlfriend, if it was her “night” Aug effectively dropped off the planet. This was their sacred alone time and I was not to call or intrude in any way unless it was an emergency. After they moved in together, I was the one who got “nights” and she extended the same…courtesy. Ultimately, I think the fact that she and I had a totally dysfunctional relationship with each other contributed to their eventual breakup. It certainly put a strain on my relationship with Aug, not to mention just being a really stressful for me individually (and for her too, I assume).

After they split, I told August I never wanted to do anything like that again. If we’re going to do non-monogamy in a sustainable way, we can’t keep compartmentalizing our relationships. (I’ve been guilty of it too.) Especially not when there are multiple serious, long-term commitments involved. We can’t each be trying to maintain multiple separate lives, running parallel to but essentially in denial of each others’ existence. It just doesn’t work like that. But, not having a script for this, I wasn’t really sure how it does work…

Tonight being E’s “night”, I expected they’d go out and I’d stay home and write – or, more likely, play on the Internet. Instead, August invited her over for dinner. He made enchiladas and we all sat around the dining room table and ate together with our roommate. When the food was gone we hung out drinking wine, then all four of us piled into the kitchen to help with cleanup, and ended up lounging in the living room watching Venture Bros. It was mellow. Domestic. Sweet.

The most awkward part, ironically, was Metz rambling on awkwardly about how he was rambling to try and make things less awkward between me and E. Which, I guess, isn’t too surprising considering his only exposure to this situation has been my strained relationship with August’s ex… But it wasn’t necessary. I feel comfortable around E. It’s not that I think we’re bound to be bestest buddies or anything; simply that she’s a person who I met only recently and don’t know too well yet, but who seems cool and who is cared about very much by one of the most important people in my life. It feels nice – and natural – to be eating dinner with her at my house.

Finally, as it was starting to get late (and we’d finished all the wine), Aug and E got up to go. I hugged them both goodnight. Then they went home, and probably had sex three or four times in succession, ’cause that’s how they do. Meanwhile, I curled up in the living room with my laptop. I didn’t have the hours I’d expected to spend writing…

But this was better.


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