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March 31, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 6:34 am

okay, i’m writing. not tired. not sleeping. party ’cause i’ve been up so late on the internet so many nights. slept ’til ten today, up ’til two the night before. wtf. i don’t know. metz is watching this documentary on the phelps clan. it’s distracting. i’m interested. i dunno. brain won’t spin down. sex. crazy. not making much sense. so spun up. stress. too manythings to do. not organized. house is a mess. too many social obligations. over committing myself. enough time for everything though, if i’d just use it for what it’s for and not fuckin’ facebook. mew. i dunno. need to prioritize exercise, sleep, eating right, sex, writing. if i could work out an hour a day, write an hour a day, and have sex every day for a week, i think it would make a difference. so hard to make the time tho. but i should just take it from work time. ’cause really, what i’m actually taking it from is facebook time. i’m spending that time on facebook, not on work. whereas if i’d effin’ work out and sleep and write and fuck like a normal human being, then maybe i’d be able to concentrate on work instead of just letting the internet suck my brain.

so many letters i think about writing people. who? what? um. hm. stress. i dunno. eric. i really do need to write him. ted. joshua, now. tyler. cooper. becky. linda. cameron. fantasy letters. propositions, questions, apologies, i don’t know. i need to let go. do more work. write more. read the tao te ching. stop trying to complete writing projects when i’m not even doing basic maintenance. stop trying to start new relationships when i’m not even focusing any energy on the one i’m in. just try to focus on the basics for a few days. just a start. just a few days. don’t overcommit. don’t take on anything new. don’t try to make new friends. don’t try to get new people into bed. don’t try to write a goddamn book or even a blog post. get off facebook. get off okcupid. clean the kitchen. clean downstairs. vaccuum. get shit thrown away. do something with the living room. do my taxes. get my benefits stuff turned in. get my finances sorted out. find a ride for k. don’t overwhelm myself with stuff right now. just focus on priorities. maslow’s heirarchy.

TOP PRIORITIES: Exercise. Sleep. Journaling. Sex.
NEXT PRIORITIES: Work. Taxes. Benefits packet. Cleaning.
THIRD PRIORITIES: PQ appointments. Travel plans. New friends. Blogging.
FOURTH PRIORITES: Whatever.

man, the kitties are adorable.

still not tired. really just want to go run and run and run and run. this writing isn’t very cathartic. maybe ’cause i’m not getting down to any kind of emotional core. just making a list of the surface stressors. the GTD stuff that’s spinning and spinning and spinning my brain. stuff that’s deeper, underneath…

but i know it’ll sort itself out if i just make the first priorities into priorities. i’m not going to get there tonight. i just want to cry and be exhausted. i should get a massage. and cry and cry and cry. maybe i can make an appointment. to cry, i mean. why am i no good at taking care of myself? i know all the things i need to do. i just need to do them. but it’s not that simple, i guess. i have to make a habit out of them. habits. they have to be habits. maybe it would help to try and get aug to help me. seems like a lot of lot of lot of work to convince him to help me in the ways i need tho. i dunno. not sure what to do. exercise. sleep. journaling. sex. mrrf. mew. i dunno. blah. just remember to take the first priorities first. if you keep trying to hit the #2 things without doing the #1 things you’re just going to keep ramming your head up against a brick wall.

REBECCA. IT IS OKAY TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST. IN FACT, YOU *HAVE TO* TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST, BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF ANYONE OR ANYTHING ELSE UNTIL YOU DO.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST, WOMAN.

FOR FUCK’S SAKE, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST.

Okay, yawning. Maybe now I can sleep.

Love.

March 30, 2010

Stupid Fluffy Penguins and Shit

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 9:28 pm

I just did the math.

I’ve had sex fewer than twenty times in the last seven months.

That’s like less than three times a month.

WTF.

Fucking Antarctica.

Re: The Coming Zomgpocalypse

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 8:05 pm

Jay talks a lot about how we’re headed for major social and economic collapse if we don’t get our act together with regards to the environment, and probably even if we do. Basically, we’ve only got about 40 years’ worth of fossil fuel left (at a conservative estimate) and then shit’s gonna get crazy.

For some reason, I take this more seriously when Jay says it than when I hear it on TV or from the Internet. I believe the analysts’ arguments are pretty sound, but they mostly roll off my back without having much emotional or practical impact. Whereas, after talking to Jay, I find myself worrying meaningfully about the future. But since I don’t have a good sense of what to do next, this generally just devolves into me fantasizing about postapocalyptic nightmare scenarios involving welding flamethrowers to the hood of the Forester and driving pell-mell to California in search of my long lost love(s)/a utopian eco-community high in the Redwoods/bees or something.

(Only slightly) more realistically, I worry that all my ivory tower academic experiences and idealistic theories about human intimacy are going to be irrelevant once there’s no more electricity to power Google. That in a post-information economy, my lack of practical survival/trade skills is going to get me raped – or, perhaps, by that point I’ll be so old/classically-unattactive enough that I won’t even be able to trade sex for food and I’ll end up joining the heap of overwhelmingly poor, brown, and female dead bodies.

Thus, if I want to survive, I should really drop everything right now and work on becoming an agriculturalist, a carpenter, a solar-panel installation tech or (ironically) a diesel mechanic. Or (only slightly) more realistically, I should be committing myself personally and professionally to hardcore environmental political activism in order to stave off said coming collapse.

But here’s what I realized about that: I’m already doing the best thing I could be doing.

The academic work I do, and have been doing for going on ten years, is explicitly focused on improving the state of science education so that more people, and a greater diversity of people, can become scientists. Yeah, I can definitely take the bus more and eat fewer animal products, and I’m committed to doing those things. And maybe, if EVERY major consumer in the world did those things, we’d run out of fuel in 60 years instead of 40. But ultimately, what’s gonna have to solve the energy crisis is science.

So one of the best things we can be doing for the environment and human society, right now, is supporting science. One of the best ways to support a discipline is, of course, to infuse it with money; the other is to infuse it with new, innovative ideas and perspectives. Every kid going into Chemistry, Physics, or Electrical Engineering who otherwise wouldn’t have had the money or encouragement to become a scientist is one more chance we have at improving the efficiency of our homes, limiting environmental degradation, and maybe even finding that magic bullet.

I don’t know if this is THE best thing I can do for the environment, but I do know it’s the thing I’m best AT doing, and that doing it also allows me to feed myself and be near my loved ones. So, basically, if I want to be sustainably involved in saving the world, I should really just get off the Internet and do my damn job.

March 29, 2010

Writing Process Post

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 6:20 pm

If you’re choosing not to have children because you love kids and want to be meaningfully involved in their lives and want to help them become artists and revolutionaries, then the necessary distance from children, as a whole, that allows you the perspective to unreservedly cherish their Promethean natures might also leave you heartbreakingly lonely sometimes.

I feel like this is the crux of what I’m trying to say, but this sentence is awkward and unclear. I’m pulling it out so that I can work on it later.

GET OFF MY LAWN!

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 5:48 pm

I paused at the skate park on my way to work. I’ve never been too into Extreme Sports videos with their slick camera angles and indie soundtracks, but I enjoy watching people skate and snowboard in person. I like seeing the boys – it’s still almost always boys – just kick around and try things out, trip over themselves on new tricks, and struggle (unsuccessfully) not to seem too pleased when they finally nail it. What can I say? In almost any arena, from sports to sex to radical empowerment, watching people who know they’re badass isn’t nearly as much fun as watching people discover their badassness. Chrysalis is cool as fuck.

Today there was a guy there – early-to-mid 30s, tousled slacker haircut, wearing a THRASHER t-shirt – with his two little boys and their BMX bikes. The boys couldn’t have been older than five or six, wearing tiny black helmets that were nonetheless huge on their tinier heads, making them look like cartoon turtles – one nervous, the other excited. Thrasher!Dad did a couple of circuits on his skateboard, rolling lazily up and down the ramp with his take-out coffeecup in one hand. Then he popped back up to where the boys were waiting and encouraged them to go for it, “You can ride here or here. Don’t go over there. Watch out for the man. Take turns, okay? Be careful. Careful! There you go… YAH BUDDY!”

Three thoughts about kids:

1) I know that I should feel cynical and irritated over the institutionalization of deviant activity. The fact that something which got kids in my generation and the previous one harassed by the cops is now considered appropriate for five year olds should at least annoy me. But it doesn’t. It’s stupid that you can buy a stickers at the mall that say SKATEBOARDING IS NOT A CRIME. It’s both encouraging and aggravating that city money went into building a public skate park to “keep those kids off the streets.” But parents wanting to teach their kids to skateboard or snowboard or BMX or whatever is…heartwarming. Because, regardless of how normative these activities might have become, I can’t imagine there’s a skateboarder in our generation who doesn’t get off, at least a little bit, on the idea that skating is a defiant act. And the impulse to teach defiance to your own children is beautiful.

2) A few years back, Shon mentioned something to me that I didn’t really understand at the time. We were talking about how non-sexual physical affection isn’t really available to single straight men in contemporary patriarchy – and he also mentioned that single straight men (and gay men, period) aren’t allowed to be alone around children. I don’t think about this too often because, for whatever reason, child-molestation by strangers isn’t an issue I’m very conscious about. But as I stood there alone, leaning over the railing, watching and smiling at the baby-BMXers and their Dad, it dawned on me that if I were a 28-year old man inexplicably hanging around the playground, watching kids skateboard, someone probably would’ve called the cops on me. That’s shitty for a lot of reasons.

3) This is an idea that I expect I’ll be developing and refining for a while, but I’ll start working on it here. It occurred to me a couple of years ago, while watching Across the Universe of all things:

It’s important for children to have a variety of relationships and adult role models in their lives, both parental and non-parental. Which means it’s important for society that there be BOTH people who are parents and people who are not parents. There’s not one right way of doing things. Both are necessary. Specifically because, as I understand it, becoming a parent fundamentally changes your relationship not only to your own children, but to ALL children. It brings out a primal impulse to protect at all costs. No matter how exhausted or frustrated or angry you might get. You can hate you kids’ stupid asses sometimes, if that’s what it takes to keep them safe. And it’s something that no person can ever fully understand or manifest until they, too, become a parent.

I’ve heard it said, “There are two kinds of people in the world: Children and Parents.” But you actually need both. This protective impulse is absolutely necessary for the survival and progress of humankind. But it’s not sufficient. Because humanity only makes progress insofar as we take risks. Incredible, dangerous, terrifying risks. The kind of risks no good parent could ever countenance for his or her child – or probably anybody’s child. So, while children need loving, responsible parents to protect them and keep them from doing totally stupid shit, they also – especially teenagers and young adults – need loving, responsible non-parents to support them in doing totally stupid shit.

The kind of totally stupid shit that it would be unfair to ask any good parent to enable; not because those parents aren’t understanding or with-it or self-actualization oriented, but because WATCHING (much less helping) their baby get fuckin’ wasted for the first time, or throw herself off a cliff with nothing but a wooden board strapped to her feet, or go out on a limb and stake her reputation and livelihood against all the accepted conventions of her discipline, or join a radical terrorist cell means dealing with that raging clawing primal beast inside screaming, “NO NO NO!” (And no kid wants to do that shit in front of her parents anyway because, ultimately, while good kids believe that Mom and Dad are only worrying because they Just Doesn’t Understand…they still don’t want to worry Mom and Dad.) Kids need some responsible adults in their lives who are conscientiously going to be a bad influence on them – because, otherwise, the only bad influences they’ll have are each other, and that’s a recipe for adolescent disaster.

And there’s a certain level of sacrifice here. The Fun Aunt gets to be the fun aunt, but she only ever gets to be the fun aunt. There’s no such thing as the Fun Mom. Mom might be fun or she might not be, but no matter what, she’s Mom. Until the day she dies, she’s your mother. Until the day you die, she’s your mother. No matter how deep the relationships you, as a non-parent, might build with the kids in your life, they’ll never be comparably complex, intimate, or profound as the relationships those kids have with their parents. You’ll never have as much potential to fuck a kid up as his parents do, but you’ll never have as much potential to inspire him as they do either. And if you’re choosing not to have children because you love kids and want to be meaningfully involved in their lives and want to help them become artists and revolutionaries, then the necessary distance from children, as a whole, that allows you the perspective to unreservedly cherish their Promethean natures might also leave you heartbreakingly lonely sometimes.

But being a parent is also heartbreaking (I’m told). And both things need to be done. Some people are well suited to one, and some people are well suited to the other. (And some people aren’t well suited to either; some people just aren’t Kid People. But I’m not talking about them here. I’m talking about me.)

Of course, this works best when the parents and the non-parents who love the same kids work in tandem, instead of against each other. When non-parents can help build bridges between the kids they love and the parents who know how to protect those kids like no other. That’s not usually the way it goes… But it could be.

March 22, 2010

UNRELATEDLY!

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 11:29 pm

(‘Cause anything is ever really unrelated to everything else…)

Here’s what I’m reading right now:

TechGnosis: Myth, Magic & Mysticism in the Age of Information by Erik Davis

How You Can Survive When They’re Depressed: Living and Coping with Depression Fallout by Anne Sheffield

Also: Jay was talking about the eco-apocalypse again last night and, as usual, now I’m freaking out about my total lack of survival savvy and/or trade skills.

—-

Also: This is very pretty and this is pretty neat.

Man, I’m all over the place today. And none of those places are work…

D’oh.

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 11:18 pm
Tags: , ,

I was going to try and start by throwing up links without spewing inchoate critical meta-analysis of them all over the place – but I came up with a question I could use some outside input on:

Should my goal here to be a) to create a list of specifically PoC-oriented poly resources or b) to infuse the existing (commonly accepted if somewhat inchoate) list of (largely white) poly resources with more content by/for/about PoCs?

It seems like the former isn’t really my prerogative. Because…my goal as an ally isn’t to “help” poly People of Color; it’s to make white poly spaces less overwhelmingly white, more inclusive, respectful and friendly?

I also just feel like I’m kind of wandering around the Internet right now, doing more self-education than anything. But that’s gotta happen. Not only is it the fundament of radical action, that’s also how you do a literature search. πŸ˜‰

Here’s a fairly 101-level discussion of intersectionality and poly: Why Queer Feminist Multi-Cultural Family Values are Important to Us All. It’s a speech given at the 1998 LovingMore retreat by Loraine Hutchens, the (white bisexual) woman who co-edited Bi Any Other Name. It’s a little fluffy and feel-good rah rah without any real statements about action… But, seeing as it was written in 1998 and delivered to the entire LovingMore conference, not a bad start.

Here’s something interesting I didn’t realize: One of the directors of LovingMore (and, I believe, Robyn Trask’s primary partner) is Latino: Jesus Garcia. Is there a respectful and non-tokenizing way to think about how this is relevant?

(And, as a total aside: Robyn Trask also has a son who, in addition to being – last I talked to him – basically a full-time poly activist…is also fuckin’ cute.)

Poly PoC Links

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 9:43 pm
Tags: ,

Three of Hearts: A Postmodern Family (IMDB)

Trailer:

A bit of Press:
(These two reviews specifically mention that Singh is Indian-Canadian; most don’t.)
LA Times review
Boston Globe review – “Perhaps the most provocative scene involves incredulous in-laws grilling Samantha — whose perplexed East Indian parents get less screen time than we’d like — about how she could not know which of the men fathered her first baby, and why she’ll probably delay a paternity test until it’s time to have another child.”

Sarojini Sahoo – Indian feminist author.
– Her blog: Sense & Sensuality
– A post in which she mentions Three of Hearts and talks about Polyamory: The Marital Practice and Feminism (I) – “It seems that every great literary tradition, either in the Eastern or in the Western world, finds it especially fascinating to explore monogamy’s failures.”

Amrita Pritam – Prominent Indian poet. Sahoo alludes to her openly being involved in some type of non-traditional relationship, not clear if it’s poly. More research…
– A little discussion of both her work and this aspect of her romantic life here: Reflections (and questions) on Amrita Pritam.

(Question: Is there value in simply cataloging poly PoC who are famous public/historical figures? I know there are lists like this for various types of Queer folk etc and there seems to be value in that – but is it relevant to this particular project?)

But First!

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 1:48 am

I like sex ‘n’ all and variety is the spice of life, sure. But for me, poly is all about the metamours*.

This made my day:

[In which a friend and I are chatting about some people we’re both attracted to.]

HER: So.
HER: I hung out with [X] and…
HER: Best I’ve ever had.
ME: Awesome!
HER: Yeah! So, definitely get on that if you want.
ME: πŸ˜€
ME: Hmm. I don’t know. [X] is super cool, but I just got home. I don’t feel ready to dive into anything new just yet.
HER: For sure.
ME: Although I gotta say, after listening to you sing [Z]‘s sexual praises the other night, now every time I see [Z] that’s all I can think about…
ME: It’s very distracting.
HER: πŸ˜‰
[Fifteen minutes of unrelated chatting about work, summer plans, etc.]
ME: So…tell me what was so awesome about sex with [X].
ME: (I mean, not to pry. :P)
HER: Hehe.
HER: Well…
HER: [Deliciously detailed description.]
HER: [Of ways that [X] rocks in bed.]
HER: [For 40 lines.]
HER: [Including the phrases:]
HER: [“SO. HOT.”]
HER: [and]
HER: [“Oh my gosh.”]
ME: Dude. You should write reviews.

*I hate that word. I just love to share.

Poly PoC Resource List beginnings

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 1:13 am
Tags: ,

Here’s what I have so far:

revolutionstar experience – “Revolutionstar Experience is the effort we, as two queer political polyamorous people of color, put together to bring to our larger communities. It is our philosophy of detoxifying our people of color bodies, minds and spirits from oppression within and outside of ourselves.”
Defining Our Own Sexual Liberation – an article about the formation of Revolutionstar Experience written by its two founders/collaborators:
Ignacio Rivera – “is a Trans-Multi-Gender queer, Black Boricua, lecturer, poet, spoken-word performance artist and sex educator.”
YK Hong – “is a trainer, organizer, writer, leturer, artist and revolutionary dedicated to talking about accountability, anti-oppression, grasroots organizing and sexual liberation, particularly for people of color, queer and trans folks and poor communities.”

Poly Patao Productions “is dedicated to producing sex-positive workshops, performance pieces, play parties, panel discussions, teach-ins, social/political groups and educational opportunities that are specially geared toward queer women, transgender, multi-gender, genderqueer, gender non-conforming and gender variant folx of color.”

Shades of Poly – “For polyamorous queer, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and two spirit women of color. Shades Of Poly is a social/political/educational cluster of women loving many, finding community, educating others, connecting our lives to the world in a larger context, strategizing and having fun.” At The Center in NYC.

Poly People of Color – MySpace page for a Poly PoC support group in Atlanta. Doesn’t look too active. Most posts after 2007 are spam.

Khayr’s Blogtalk Radio Podcast – Call-in show. Seems like there’s a thread to follow here. (The YouTube vids seem like previews/ads for the podcasts.)
khayr99
– YouTube Video: Polyamory, People Of Color, Tantra, Khayr & Blogtalk
– YouTube Video: What Kind of Relationship Are You In?
– YouTube Video: The Male Orgasm, Sexual Innergy & Polyamory
– Podcast: Polyamory Wet Wednesdays

These links aren’t all strictly geared exclusively toward polyamory, but they’re pointing toward it or are related to PoC who are doing poly activism. Starting points to do more research from. There might be a better way to keep track of this stuff…de.licio.us or something?

Questions:
– Is there anything comparable to the NYC projects going on locally?
– When poly shows up in the mainstream media, how often are the people depicted PoC?
– Documentaries, movies, shows, etc. made for/w.in the poly community depicting PoC?
** (Samantha Singh in Three of Hearts?)

Okay, I gotta sleep.

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