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January 27, 2012

The Ol’ Switcheroo

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 12:54 pm

First of all: I fully support absolute bodily self-determination. I believe that humans have the right to do anything and everything we choose to our own bodies – up to and including annihilating them. I believe that making any changes you choose to your body for aesthetic or political reasons is just as valid as making choices about your body for physical or psychological health reasons. All that being said…

I just realized something trippy about the way both trans peoples’ and fat peoples’ bodily autonomy gets negated:

Instead of treating medical gender transition as a valid health practice, hegemonic culture trivializes it as a risky form of extreme body-modification (that supposedly has something to do with sex.)

Meanwhile, instead of treating “weight loss” as a risky form of extreme body-modification (that usually has something to do with sex), hegemonic culture pushes it as a valid health practice.

Something is fucking backwards here.

Protected: The Politics of Being Out as Anything

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 10:34 am

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Protected: Give ’em an inch, apparently…

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 10:13 am

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“Back in the day when we were trippin’ on Heidegger…”

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 1:47 am

P.S. Reading the description and particularly the “Interests” list of that old LiveJournal gave me so much warm-fuzzy nostalgia for the time in my life when I was immersed in community and conversing daily with other, well, psychonauts.

I’ve never used that word to describe myself before. But that is what I’m doing, isn’t it? That’s what I’ve always been doing. I guess it should’ve been obvious. There’s no way I’d be so tight with Matthew otherwise.

“[Psychonautics] may combine ritual, fasting, and hallucinogenic substances.” Huh. You don’t say.

I mean, maybe the reason I’m doing it is because of the identity-destabilizing relationship I had with my borderline mom. Or maybe I’m simply doing it because I’m good at it, but the way she influenced my psychological development is what made me so capable. Or maybe I’m just lucky. Or unlucky. Or both.

But one thing I’ll say is that I definitely feel lucky that there was a time in this short life, even just a few years of it, when I had a group of people around me who were dealing with a similar blessing|curse and we loved each other.

Interests (36):
“authenticity”, aesthetics, analytic philosophy, anything but analytic philosophy, bad jokes, being and timers, burnt toast, eye contact, foolishness, gossipy love bullshit, laughter, logic, meaning, multiplicity, nonverbal communication, ontology, parallel vocabularies, phenomenology, postmodernism, pretentiousness as play, probably some philosophy, psychoanalyzing simon sparks, puck, reciprocity, recurring eternally, romanticism, sharing food with friends, slumber parties, slumming at the sundowner, smartness, snowboarding, talking until sunrise, the tao, tongue-in-cheek elitism, trickster myths, waking-up in new places

A whole lot of thoughts about thinking

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 1:21 am

I feel like I want to blog. I told myself I was done with the Internet for the night, but it feels nice to want to blog rather than it being another item on a To Do list that I expect myself to check off. So, I’m gonna. And then I’m not going to do anything else online and I’m going to bed before midnight.

Hm. I don’t have an agenda for this post. I spent most of the day today doing things for work, or eating or napping or hiking or other things that helped me stay grounded so I could focus on work. (This is particularly tough right now because “work” currently involves Googling e-mail addresses and sending out infinite form letters to people who run out-of-school-time science programs.) Then I went to the Trident this evening so that I’d have a time-limited period in which to do personal stuff online. (Limited by the fact that they close at 11.) It took me that entire time just to catch up on one day’s worth of e-mail and Facebook notifications, only replying to what felt like it needed immediate attention. (Well, and one e-mail from my Dad with cute photos of my twin niece and nephew.) Admittedly, this is busier day than usual because we just started the fundraising drive for KinkForAll Denver. Still, maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on myself about “where all my time goes” when I’m online. True, I spend some amount of it skimming random blog posts, getting into semantic arguments on Twitter, and looking at Facebook pictures of peoples’ weddings, but I also do quite a bit of work. Where by “work”, in this case, I mean making direct and meaningful contact with and between people who I care about in order to try and build the world I want to live in.

That’s something I realized last night: One of the reasons I don’t write in this blog (or any blog) too often is that I don’t really know who my audience is. Traditionally, my best writing comes in the form of correspondence – because I’m fine-tuning my words to communicate a particular idea to a specific individual. Sometimes that generates work that I want to share with other people. I’m sure you, whoever you are, have noticed how much of this blog is just re-posts of e-mails I’ve written or comments I’ve made elsewhere. But, generally speaking, I write a helluva love letter – but essays composed for the ether? Not so much.

Arguably, I’m writing to myself. Huh. I’ve never really thought of it that way before. I’ve thought of it as writing FOR myself e.g. as either a therapeutic or professional practice. But I’ve never thought about it in terms of writing to myself. However, that definitely resonates with my focus on multiplicity lately. My relationship with the concept of multiplicity (or, in mental-health-industrial-complex jargon, “Multiple Personality Disorder”) as it relates to my own psychology has ebbed and flowed over the course of my life. (There’s also this post, which feels particularly salient right now. I wonder where that book is. The last time I saw it must’ve been six months ago when, amusingly, I was reading it while on a dinner date with myself. But I looked for it this evening and it’s not on any of my bookcases. Hm.)

The most intensely that I’ve engaged with it in the past few years was shortly after I met Dakota, and kitty unexpectedly showed up, and we had to have some long conversations with Dakota about what exactly was going on, and then weirdly enough 8.5 wanted to get involved in that discussion and there were some complicated negotiations about who was doing what with whom and how, which were somewhat stressful – but also really amazing, because Kota basically caught on and just rolled with it in that wonderful way they roll with everything about me that’s “crazy”. Granted, I think it helps that they, too, have a lot of experience being different people. 😉

But I’ve been in a pretty integrated phase for a while now. Still, I find my ears pricking up anytime I catch even the slightest mention of multiplicity and it’s been on my mind a lot. I’m doing all this therapeutic work (some of which, come to think of it, involves me literally talking to myself) and I’ve been thinking about various ways to “manage” my mental health such that I can get through that process and still keep my job and be present in my relationships, occasionally do the dishes, not have screaming panic attacks in public, etc. There are some obvious ones like, for example, eat, nap, and go for hikes. People also keep suggesting drugs of various kinds – and I’m not sure how I feel about that yet, although I can say that if I decide to go that route, I’m more inclined to go with the suggestion “You know what would probably help? More MDMA.” than I am with “Have you, um, considered anti-depressants?” And as I txted Matthew earlier: “I think you and I use Deconstruction the way other people use hallucinogens.” In other words, my philosophical background provides me with a lot of really powerful conceptual tools for being able to map a wide variety of meanings onto a given experience/relationship/situation/etc.

But it occurred to me as I was brushing my teeth this evening that I also use, and have always used, a kind of “mental illness” model to hack my own psychology. That is to say, given a Foucauldian understanding that most “mental illnesses” exist on spectrum between “normal” behaviour/experience (neurotypicality?) and a diagnosable “illness”, I ask myself questions like, “If the fact that I’m exhibiting behaviors X, Y and having psychological/emotional experience Z meant I was bipolar/PTSD/ADHD/multiple/schizophrenic/whatever*, rather than meaning I was “lazy” or “fucked up”, what would I do to take care of myself/solve whatever logistical or emotional problem is resulting from these behaviors/experiences?”

Wow.

First of all, that was a convoluted paragraph. Evidently, I really am just writing this for myself. 😛

But what I basically just said is: Sometimes, I tell myself I’m “crazy” so that I’ll feel like I have a valid excuse to take care of myself. This sounds very reminiscent of the revelation I had the other night re: One of the reasons I used to starve myself was so that I’d be so weak I’d be forced to be gentle with myself. Jesus. That feels really fucking intense.

* Incidentally, there isn’t really a “whatever” here. Those are the big ones. That is to say, those are the “disorders” (and in that order) that I “suspect” myself of having traits from, or that have descriptions that resonate most strongly with my psychological experience – but, more saliently, those are the frameworks that it’s most helpful for me to map onto the ways that I respond to my environment, in order to give me more power for navigating that environment safely. (And Borderline, of course, but I really don’t mess around with Borderline because it’s so loaded with stuff to do with my mom. But, of course, not having a stable sense of unitary selfhood/identity and not knowing what the fuck is real are Borderline traits – or, y’know, traits that might be found in a child who was raised in relative isolation by a Borderline mom. :P)

Huh. This is really not what I was expecting to write about. Although I don’t know what I was expecting to write about. It’s weird how I am a) totally in denial about being “crazy”, b) totally terrified of going “crazy”, c) absolutely fascinated by and almost dependent on understanding myself as “crazy” all at the same time. I feel like it might be valuable to read some stuff about the neurodiversity movement. I’ve put SO much philosophical and sociopsychological thought into this stuff over the course of my life, but never really approached it from a political framework. I don’t know if that would make it “worse” or “better”. I don’t even know what “it” refers to in that sentence.

TL;DR: I have a complicated intellectual and emotional relationship to my own mental health. Like, y’know, everybody.

I can’t believe I’m posting this kind of shit in public. I feel really chill about it right now, but tomorrow I’ll probably get really nervous about it. But I feel like I’ve been consciously trying to be more public about the ways in which I’m not…neurotypical? (Except, I mean, maybe I am. I don’t know. I don’t really understand how that word is used well enough to feel comfortable defining myself one way or the other. I mean, that’s sort of the thing right? It’s like…yeah, I’m suicidal sometimes or can’t get out of bed or have anxiety attacks because I’m afraid that I’m about to start hallucinating. But so does everybody. Suicidal thoughts are completely normal. Pretty much all humans have them from time to time. Depressive and manic cycles at the level that I have them could probably be just as accurately described as “being moody”. I feel like I’m making a big deal out of nothing. This shit is fucking confusing.)

Um. Anyway. My point was that…I’ve historically hid all of these behaviors in a really intense way, because I didn’t want people to think I was “crazy”. But I’m trying to be more public and open about the various ways I’m prone to sometimes losing my shit (however you want to define them), because it turns out that it’s actually not good for me if people just think I have my shit together all the time, because then they expect me to continue to have my shit together all the time, and thus I expect MYSELF to have my shit together all the time or at least to act like it for other peoples’ benefits, and that puts me under MORE stress, which makes the anxiety worse and the whatever-these-things-are-that-are-not-hallucinations-but-are-goddamn-terrifying-regardless worse and…it sucks. Fuck. It really sucks.

…Okay. Well, that was processy. I think the most interesting upshot of this entire stream-of-consciousness ramble, though, is that it might be fun, valuable, therapeutic, interesting, a good writing exercise and a good psychological exercise to actually, literally write letters to mysel(f/ves) – either here or somewhere else.

Here, I’ll start:

Dear Rebecca,

It is 1:30 in the morning. Go to bed.

Love,
Yourself

January 23, 2012

Grump. Grump. Grump.

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 11:13 am

Here’s my tiny bit of grumpy activism for the morning. Hm. I was less diplomatic with this than I would normally be. I think I am becoming less and less interested in pulling my punches toward people who propagate fatphobic bullshit:

From: Rebecca
Sent: Monday, January 23, 2012 11:01 AM
To: Administrative E-Memo
Subject: RE: Are you ready to lose weight? Weight Loss class coming to campus!

I’m sending this e-mail to register a complaint about receiving the following advertisement in my University mailbox. As someone currently recovering from a history of anorectic disordered eating, I find it triggering and upsetting to open my inbox in a professional setting to an e-mail titled “Are you ready to lose weight?” followed by an advertisement referencing “obesity” and the assumption that I have “weight loss goals”.

Furthermore, as a person who works hard to commit to the ideals of intuitive eating (http://www.intuitiveeating.org/) and Health at Every Size (http://www.haescommunity.org/) in spite of constant messages from the wider culture that “weight loss” is a path to increased health, it offends me to see the health department of my own employer pushing this destructive anti-body-diversity message on myself and other employees. I’m prepared to mentally shield myself from this kind of thing on the wider Internet, much like I consciously ignore flashing sidebar ads for plastic surgery, libido enhancing drugs, phone sex hotlines, etc. But I shouldn’t have to expect to start my week by finding similar garbage in my professional inbox direct from the University.

I realize that I am in the minority, that perhaps the majority of employees will appreciate being advertised to about successfully making their bodies more culturally appropriate by focusing on “weight loss” rather than improved health. Still, I feel that receiving weight-loss spam should be an opt-in rather than a requirement of employment at the University.

Thanks for your time,
– R

January 21, 2012

On a Diversity of Tactics

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 11:05 am

This started as a response to Kink In Exile’s Toward a New Expression of Sexual Freedom. And specifically to a comment by Fizz. But it got really long and off-topic and vulnerable to a degree that I didn’t really feel comfortable just dropping it on someone else’s blog, so I’m putting it here instead.

Fizz said:

None of this is to disagree with the need for a better space for those of us who do want one. I just object to the notion that there’s something wrong with the folks who don’t (or that it can only be because the spaces aren’t good enough yet).

Thank you.

I’ve been struggling to write about this for a little while, and I haven’t been able to articulate myself well enough to post yet, but I feel like this is key.

Recently, my friend feeds have been all atwitter about this play party in NYC: Myth 3 – Friendship is Magic. It looks on the surface to be a fairly inclusive, queer-friendly, kink-friendly, anti-body-policing, consent-focused space that makes an effort to be as safe as possible – and when I say “safe” I don’t just mean “condoms”. I think some of the ways they’re attempting to set the space up are potentially problematic, but by and large, it’s an actively anti-oppression oriented public sex party.

I wholly, absolutely, radically and vociferously support the right of people to pursue sex and play in public settings. But I don’t often go to them myself. When I do, it’s usually because the event is being organized by someone I care about and want to support their hard work – not because I’m looking to play there, and I rarely do. I also go to baseball games sometimes, not because I care about baseball or even intend to watch the game, but to spend time with someone I care about who wants to go.

I’ve always assumed that my objections to (or, at least, hesitancy to particpate in) public sex events myself come from a concern about those spaces being potentially triggering for me. As they currently manifest in my area (and the country in general, it sounds like), both BDSM and sex-positive scene spaces tend to be extremely heterocentric, cisgenderist, binary-sexist, classist, and…well, you know. That shit is wack and it’s obviously a major turn-off. And then, on top of that, I have some sexual trauma that WAY predates my involvement in sexuality communities, which simply makes difficult – and, basically, a bad idea – for me to get erotically intimate with people I don’t already have a meaningful emotional connection with. In short: public play spaces aren’t really designed with me in mind.

So, when this “Let’s Try and Fuck in a Welcoming Way!” play party came down the line and queer sex radical folks I know (who mostly also avoid the BDSM and sex-pos scenes for similar reasons) started getting all excited about it, I expected to be excited too… And was surprised to discover that my response was basically, “Huh. That’s nice.”

And this is what I realized: Part of the reason I’m not into the public sex scene is because it’s politically and psychologically problematic for me. But part of it is also just because, well, it’s boring. And I feel like this is a dangerous thing to say, especially here on the public Internet, because when you tell people their sex parties are oppressive and re-inscribing institutionalized violence, they have this huge well of hegemonic victim-blaming rhetoric to attack back with and they can feel all self-righteous and like they’re defending something Truly Transgressive against Some Prude Who Just Doesn’t Understand. But people get *really* butt-hurt when you tell that you just don’t think their hobby is all that glamorous.

And I hope I haven’t hurt the feelings of anyone reading this by saying that. It’s not my intention. My point is that, in fact, as a sexual freedom activist that’s EXACTLY the world I’m fighting for: One in which sex-qua-hobby is just as legitimate, well supported, unglamorous and easily accessible to ANYONE who wants it as, say, chess or going to a baseball games.

And, contrary to popular belief, I can wholeheartedly and actively support that goal (and the associated goal of making those sexual spaces more inclusive and welcoming and anti-oppressive and their resources more available) and still not be super interested in participating personally. I mean, to be frank, even the most inclusive sexuality-based scene isn’t going to be a space I get much out of because – as far as I can tell – those scenes are primarily about:

a) having orgasms – which is something I don’t really do (it’s complicated…)

b) finding partners – again, something I’m not really in the market for. I’m not averse to new love coming into my life, but I’m really invested-to-the-point-of-saturation in the intimate relationships and family/community I’m building at home, so I don’t go out looking to meet more people. Someone has to REALLY impress me to get my attention, and that’s unlikely to happen at even the friendliest sex party/scene because they also seem largely about:

c) exchanging, sharing, improving and appreciating each others’ erotic skills. – Again, I think this is AWESOME, because I think people learning and sharing about anything they’re passionate about is awesome. But the skills I look for in a potential partner aren’t their ability to swing a whip or suck a dick (although those are great skills to have). Rather, I’m looking for people with the self-confidence, emotional competence, communication skills and compassion to…well, basically, to roll with it if I have a panic attack in the middle of sex. Even for those who do have these skills, they aren’t the sort that tend be on display in a dungeon (at least as far as I’ve seen) – they’re things you pick up on by watching someone with their kids, seeing how they move through daily domesticities with their partners, how they approach their work, what they read, how they think.

I’m getting off on kind of a tangent here. I think all I’m trying to say is this: I *love* sex. And BDSM (or elements that others might describe as “BDSM”) has been a part of my erotic make-up for as long as I’ve been aware of myself as a sexual creature. And, sure, I’d like to improve various specific erotic skills and things, why not? And I would really like to have access to free and easily accessible resources to do that, especially fun politico-psychological intellectual conceptual resources, which don’t require me to spend all my Saturday nights hanging out in dungeons drinking punch and making sexual smalltalk.

But that’s still not my erotic priority. In fact, my erotic priority at the moment is getting lots of exercise, bodywork and therapy in order to better manage the aforementioned panic attacks – because they limit my ability to have a satisfying sex life WAY more than any other skill or space that I’m currently lacking.

So, for a large number of totally valid reasons, I don’t do erotic intimacy with people I’m not already emotionally intimate with. That’s what’s right for me, and I want to be able to express and live that authentically and have it respected, while still fighting hard for the diverse sexual freedoms of others who are different from me.

I don’t want the fact that I choose not to have sex or do power-exchange publicly to be seen as an indictment of other peoples’ public sexuality. Trust me, if I want to indict something about how you’re doing public sexuality, I will damn well say so explicitly – and then I’ll write about it and send you a link. The simple fact that I won’t fuck you in the way you prefer to fuck doesn’t automatically mean there’s something wrong with you fucking that way. It just means we’re not a good match.

And I think this would be a lot easier for people in the sex-positive and BDSM scenes to handle if we could tease out “the way someone fucks” from “the way someone does politics” and consider the subtle intersections of those things, rather than just conflating them all together in one undifferentiated lump that has something to do with how many Cool Points a person has. The personal is political and the political is so, so personal. That doesn’t just mean they’re the same thing. But that’s a whole ‘nother essay.

Wow. That was a rant. Sorry, this has been on my mind a lot lately.

January 19, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 6:39 pm

I wonder if I’m punishing myself or something.

I was going to write about the word ‘bisexual’ when I got home last night. (I do that a lot, it seems.) Then, because of something that happened in the interim, I decided I was going to write about suicide instead. (The two subjects are not unrelated – but these two posts were.)

Then I got home and fucking power was out. And it was spooky and lonely and cold and the middle of the night and I decided just to go to bed. But I didn’t sleep very well because we were having some kind of unseasonable apocalypse windstorm, and my room is not well-insulated against wind, cold or noise. Although Dexter did come cuddle with me and that was nice. As much as a very serious guard-kitty cuddles, anyway. But we protected each other from scary noises.

I woke up at about 5am and couldn’t get back to sleep. I played around on the Internet a little bit and then…it was 6:30pm.

Yep.

I think I also stopped to eat a bowl of cereal at some point, and to send a couple of e-mails to my boss. One (at 1pm) to tell her I was going to work at home today and another one (at about 5pm) to tell her I give up and was taking a sick day.

I don’t feel depressed. I just…

I don’t know.

I should go to the gym.

January 17, 2012

“Yeah. ‘Cause existing is such a curse.” – Everett Piper

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 1:03 am

It’s important to remind myself that my loneliness is an inextricable element of my experience of being human. It’s not the result of something I’m doing or something I’m failing to do. It’s not a comment on my worth as a person or on the strength of my intimate relationships or on my community as a whole. Feeling lonely is as much a part of my fundamental make-up as the color of my freckles or the sound of my voice. There are things I can do to manage it, but there’s nothing I can do to make it go away completely. There will be times when I feel acutely lonely, no matter what, for the rest of my life. Sometimes, loneliness is what it feels like to be alive.

That sounds depressing but it’s actually one of the most comforting realizations I ever had.

Catching at Threads

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 12:44 am

I’m feeling pretty lonely lately. I’m debating whether it’s better to deal with this by instigating a social gathering of some sort or whether I should just sit with the feeling for a while. I think it might be good for me to be a little more socially disconnected than usual, because it means a lot of things are coming up for me that I can usually ignore when I’m surrounded by loved ones – and they’re things that I’m going to need to deal with eventually.

I’m never sure how vulnerable I want to be in this blog. I’ve been working on a post for a while now that involves some really raw discussion of sexual trauma. My own. After generating a mountain of notes, drafts, and late-night processy text-messages to myself, I’ve determined that I’m not ready to write about it in public yet. I do want to write about it, though. Eventually.

I’ve also been trying to get my head around a post about the politics of sex parties. My hypothesis (based on personal experience) is that sex-positive scenes as we currently know them are inherently bad at making space for trauma survivors, and that by extension they are inherently bad at making space for any folks with defining experiences of marginalization or oppression. But I’m not sure I can effectively write this post without making reference to the first post, so they both might be a while.

Meanwhile, while I’m thinking about victim-blaming behavior in sex-positive communities, I’m also reading Rachel‘s insights on Slut Shaming Within Poly Communities. (You’ll need a Fetlife account to read that, unfortunately.) These feel like two sides of the same coin to me. They’re both about the insidious reinscribing of hegemonic oppressions among what claim to be communities of resistance, and both situations support each other and hurt me and people I care about. I’d like to flesh this intersection out more, but I need to chew on it for a while.

Speaking of critiques of poly communities, I went back to Facebook today and one of the first things I did was check out the local Facebook Poly Discussion group. Why? Because I’m more of a masochist than I admit, apparently. But I mostly wanted to respond to Joshua, who posted Can Polyamory End Oppression? with the caption: “Food for thought. This hits on a lot of why I no longer consider myself part of the poly “community”.”

Since I’m apparently not going to get an actual content-having blog post together anytime in the immediate future, I’ll just repost what I wrote him there:

Hm. So, I really like a lot of what Kyle has to say here, especially the idea that identities are not inherently radical. I wish he’d developed that idea more. Instead, most of the article feels like an oversimplified response to the “Poly Evangelist Strawman” – which was disappointing.

Here’s what I wish he would’ve said (but he would’ve said it with more panache than I will here): Insofar as compulsory monogamy is an oppressive structure, of *course* choosing to do something else is one form of resistance – or, at the very least, requires adopting strategies of resistance for the sake of sustained survival. The fact that a person is engaging in one type of resistance (or several) doesn’t automatically make them radical across the board, nor does it mean a community of those folks will be a politically radicalized one.

The fact that any given person is engaging in daily resistance just to live their life means they might be experienced and primed to adopt other forms of resistance OR it might mean they feel exhausted and embattled and want nothing to do with taking on what seems to them like additional burdens. That depends on the individual’s personality, not their identity.

If what you’re looking for in a community is, first and foremost, people with whom you share political convictions (as opposed to, say, people with whom you share a cultural background, or with whom you can commiserate about specific experiences of trauma, etc.) then you’re never going to find it by seeking a community based on identity.

The reason this gets tricky is that there are lots and lots of people consciously DOING non-monogamy (and doing queerness, and doing gender, etc) as a political statement as well as/in addition to it being an identity-expression. And those folks are not necessarily going to identify with the “poly community” but they might identify *as* poly (or queer, or genderqueer etc) as part of their resistance work. So it’s dangerous to make assumptions. Period.

The specific “poly community” you’re probably referring to (i.e. the largely white middle-class heterocentric Front Range poly community) is notoriously apolitical – something that you know a lot of us have complained about ad nauseum. Complaining hasn’t really seemed to do much, so – for those of us who do want to be in community w people who share our political convictions – there are a couple of other options:

Staying in the community and trying to transform it is one of them. It can be exhausting and demoralizing but it has some benefits too. Opting out of the community is another totally valid one. That seems to be the one that you and I and most of the people we’re close to have chosen. The problem with that is, for many of us, it’s not like we opted en masse out of apolitical poly community into some other cohesive community that’s doing radical non-monogamy in an intersectional and politicized way. (Wouldn’t that be nice?)

Instead, we just sort of drifted away and found ourselves more-or-less isolated. It’s kinda lonely. Sometimes, it’s so lonely that we go back to the “poly community” seeking solace – only to be reminded that our friends are all gone. 😦

TL;DR: I miss drinking by the creek with you.

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