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March 22, 2012

Remedies For Hollowness

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 11:49 pm

I’m having that night. You know that night. The one when all the exciting, creative projects I’ve been investing myself in suddenly seem hollow. The “I have nothing to say that hasn’t been said a million times before” night. The creeping-doubt-about-all-my-relationships-and-how-could-I-have-been-so-naive night. The empty, grasping, desperate, needy, lonely-down-in-my-bones night. You know. That one.

In the past, I’ve found two tools for managing this feeling:

1. Enforced separation from whatever or whomever I’m fixated on craving more of — usually this is some form of comfort or caretaking — because it forces me to remember that I’m okay on my own and capable of meeting most of my own emotional needs. It sounds a little harsh but it works.

2. Reaching out to people I care about, not to ask for support/appreciation/affection/care but to offer it. Telling the people I love that I love them and why I love them. Counter-intuitively, when I’m feeling empty, it turns out that being emotionally generous is often more fulfilling and re-grounding than being the recipient of others’ emotional energy.

Lately, I’ve also been trying to learn that sometimes, when I don’t feel okay, the best course of action isn’t to figure out how to be okay but, instead, just to ask someone else to take care of me.

Tonight isn’t one of those nights, though. I’m fine tonight. This is a familiar uncomfortable feeling but, at the moment, it’s not even that acute. I just feel lonely in a very visceral, embodied way. And that’s one of the benefits of being a human. I get to feel all kinds of feelings. When I’ve gotten to the threshold of how much loneliness I can stand tonight, I’ll call someone and tell them that I love them.

Thanks for reading. I appreciate you.

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3 Comments »

  1. I love this gentle reminder. Thank you for posting. And here are some [hugs!] in case you’re still lonely.

    Comment by quixtic — March 23, 2012 @ 3:40 am | Reply

    • Thanks, Free. It’s nice to know you’re reading. * hugs *

      Comment by thirdxlucky — March 23, 2012 @ 5:14 am | Reply

  2. […] Few Things I’ve Written About This 04.22.2012 – Remedies for Hollowness 02.04.2012 – Ache. 01.17.2012 – “Yeah. ‘Cause existing is such a […]

    Pingback by Operating Manual: How to Help Me When I’m Upset « Bloggity Blog Blog Blog… — May 16, 2012 @ 11:27 pm | Reply


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