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August 6, 2012

Snippet: Six Sides of the Same Coin

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 8:09 pm
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MATTHEW: You saw Everett?

ME: Yeah! We spent all night talking about all kinds of stuff. And he told me something I needed to hear. (Of course.) He said, “Your rational self knows that you are not infallible. Trust THAT part of yourself.”

MATTHEW: Wait, can you say that again? What do you mean?

ME: I was telling him about how I’m having a hard time lately because I don’t trust my perception of reality. …This is something that may not make much sense to you, actually. But it’s something I struggle with a lot. And something I think Everett struggles with too, so.

MATTHEW: Oh. Yeah. I get it. It’s like, you have a perceiving circuit and an acting circuit. I do, too. But you have some kind of processing circuit in between them that’s way more developed than whatever I have there.

ME: It’s the thing that allows me to map infinite different meanings onto a given text or situation.

MATTHEW: But it’s so developed that you actually need an additional circuit to be able to turn it on and off.

ME: Yeah. And that’s exactly what Everett gave me. I told him that having this ability to see a multitude of meaning was a superpower and he said, “C’mon. It’s a burden. You know it’s a burden.”

MATTHEW: [LAUGHS!] I think it’s a burden for you. It’s valuable for the people you talk to. It lets you translate between people whose maps of meaning are too different to be able to communicate with each other.

ME: It’s what allows me to put myself in other peoples’ shoes.

MATTHEW: Uh huh.

ME: And it’s good for me, too, right? I mean, trying on other peoples’ meanings is what feels like intimacy to me.

MATTHEW: But that can get real chaotic really fast.

ME: True. And really disorienting if I’m not sure which meanings are theirs and which are mine. Or if I’m not even sure what my own meaning is at all. But I’m so good at telling myself convincing stories about what I do and don’t believe. It’s like I have to leave myself reality anchors and search for evidence and clues about who I really am. Data my “rational self” can process to determine what’s really going on. Hm. Maybe I should think on that.



  1. […] been having a rough day today, because I’ve been dealing with how hard it is for me to lock onto reality. In other words, I’ve been trying to reconcile the fact that I’m really good at […]

    Pingback by An Incredibly Self-Indulgent Post on Archetypal Resonance « Bloggity Blog Blog Blog… — August 7, 2012 @ 1:28 am | Reply

  2. I’ve never run into anyone else who had a trouble-with-reality thing. (I tried googling it once and all I came up with was dissociation). I think yours is different from mine – sometimes reality breaks into pieces and sometimes it doesn’t seem real, but for me it’s not related to other people – but anyway, I’m very grateful to have seen this. Thank you.

    Comment by code16 — August 18, 2014 @ 11:53 am | Reply

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