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November 1, 2016

A Continual Process Of Forgetting And Relearning How To Touch Each Other

Filed under: Uncategorized — thirdxlucky @ 11:35 pm

For four good weeks, I had a boy.
And four hard weeks also.
I had a boy for four good, hard weeks.

He cooked us eggs and sorted things by shape and
sometimes he scrunched up on the floor with his head
in his hands and rocked deep into a world
where I could not go to find him.

He spent long days in the sun
simply resting. Convalescing.
I watched him shed his skin, scale by scale
peeling painful like a sunburn,
watched him build himself a new one
bit by bit by filament wire,
with careful fingers reworking
the same inch
over and over
and over.

Patiently, he let me try and tug him
into my world, my family,
my home, my arms,
me whispering always, “Rest. Rest.
Your body is taking better care of you
than your mind knows how to do.”
Sometimes he came with me and sometimes
he tugged me in the opposite direction.
On long walks over short distances
I learned…what?

I learned what some of my fears felt like
and that I knew how to fight them.
The necessity of dispelling my own self-defeating illusions.
We talked about magic and where foxes come from.
How not to feel guilty sacrificing work for love.
And with the articulate edge of my fingertips
I wove as much fairy dust as I could
into his new skin.

He was strawberry-vanilla with soft eyelashes in the morning.
It’s a strangeness and a sweetness both
this way we exchange infinite anxious thank yous.
This way we blush.

I learned that I know how to pick up the pieces,
break something, cut my own fingers,
put them in my mouth.

I wonder what he learned about me. He’ll tell me sometime.

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